Ello all! Ow are oo a-day? One way pre school is fun but I have these rather odd English teachers who I cannot understand. I keep telling them I need my Mummy and I want to go to the toilet and they just keep staring at me with a gormless expression as if I’m an Alien or something. I could teach my teachers. They keep saying speak English but It gets in the way of some time socialising in the toilets.

The tall one keeps telling bad jokes. We laugh but he’s the joke really. Most of us can’t understand what he’s rabbeting on about but we laugh because the other lady gives us a nice, shiny ‘ticker if we’re sitting nicely. They are putty in my hands. Most of the time all I do is suck my thumb and pick my nose but when I see those ‘tickers I’m good as gold. The little English teacher shouts a lot and speaks really fast. All I hear is ahhhhhh. I’m guessing in English that’s not good. One boy thought it was funny but the little one made him cry. She’s a meanie. But a nice meanie really. I think she loves me because she smiles at me but sometimes her eyebrows are all scrunchy and her nose turns up at me. I told her; “it’s ok-i didn’t poopy” but she doesn’t understand shona. Auntie Lorraine laughed at me and the little one gave her a look too. She’s just jealous she’s not in the joke.

They keep on teaching us phonics. And then they teach us english at the same time. The thing is they don’t always make sense. I don’t know why we learn it, shona’s fine!

Then they ask us to do a shona lesson after telling us not to speak Shona! Auntie Lorraine told me to feel some cotton wool because we’re learning about our senses but the little one shouted at me and told me stop fiddling! I decided to cry, ran out of the classroom to the tall one and he just laughed. It’s OK though because I have him wrapped around my little finger. He sits me on his knee, shuts me up with a ‘ticker and I get to miss my lesson. Haha- and he thinks he’s the boss. Think again English people I’m the boss of this school and if you try to stop me from my daily play routine of flicking bogies at the boys in my class they’ll be trouble.

NB: This blog was written by Greg in the third person and bears no reflection on any of the wonderful One Way Pre-School children. More third person writing was requested by Ella Glass during her visit. Hence the title!